It’s difficult for me to tell what sort of readership I have going on here, but for those of you who visit and are not part of my immediate family or close circle of friends, I would imagine that this site has seemed inexplicably dead recently. For the first time in over a year, I have not even updated my FitDay stats.

So I’m writing this post to assure you that I have not quit. Not by a long shot.

In March, my husband and I learned (very happily) that we were expecting. It was at that time that I stopped filling in my FitDay stats due to the increasing nausea of morning sickness. I was nibbling here and there, when (and what) I could tolerate, and keeping track of that was more trouble than it was worth. Besides, I did not intend to lose weight during this time. I was also very tired, and I fell behind in many aspects of my life. Upkeep of this blog was one of the things that suffered. We decided not to share our news publicly right away because the first trimester is the riskiest. We even held off on telling most of our family members until we were more sure of our good news.

At the eight-week mark of pregnancy, just week and a half ago, I showed complications that would prove to be the end of the pregnancy. It was a sad and frightening time. The pregnancy had been very much wanted, and the complications arising from its termination led to a hospital stay and surgery. Since that time, I have been in bed recovering from that operation.

Of the past ten days, I have spent approximately eight hours feeling badly for myself about this. The disappointment, pain, and confusion surrounding these events all hit me about four days ago when the boredom of bed rest was at its peak. However, good talks with wonderful people, prayers, and some real soul searching led me to the peaceful place I am in now.

I remembered that I had a choice. I could focus my attention and energy upon the pain and the loss - what I didn’t want - or I could focus my attention on what I have and what I do want. I chose the latter, and it has made all the difference.

I have a wonderful life. When we learned that I was pregnant, family members and friends were happy and supportive. When we lost the pregnancy, people came from all corners to offer their support. My mom dropped everything and was there for us through the whole thing. My dad called everyday to check on me. My husband never left my side. (His employer, in turn, gave him time off from work, no questions asked.) My not-yet-five-year-old son came up with phrases (on his own, mind you) like, “Mommy, I’m sorry you don’t feel good. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” and repeated them to me daily. Friends brought love and gifts to our home. Everyone - even those for whom it was uncomfortable - sent positive thoughts. My body began to heal so quickly that I was released from the hospital after only twenty-four hours post-surgery.

Once home, I have had a doting husband willing to do anything to make me more comfortable. I have had a comfortable bed to recover in. I’ve had books to read, movies to watch, games to play, lots of pillows, and kitties to cuddle with. I’ve had an internet connection so I could find things that inspire and amuse me. I have had encouraging emails, phone calls, and visits from friends. And everyday, I’ve seen a new sign that I’m recovering. By the end of next week, if not sooner, I know I will be at 100%.

I have a wonderful life. I have so much to be thankful for and I am dedicating this time to that gratitude. Nothing could be more healing than that. I also believe that a healthy baby waits in our future. And, if I’m mistaken about that, my dear husband and precious son is plenty. I am more than satisfied.

So, if you’re inclined to feel sad for our loss, please don’t spend too much time there. It happened for a reason, whether we are privy to that reason or not. And I have it good. In fact, I’m probably the luckiest person you know. Even if it has nothing whatever to do with luck.
:)

As I improve over this next week, I’ll blow the dust off the top of the blog and see about resuming my work here. I miss it, and there is still more to do.

Until then, have a great day.

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 22nd, 2007 at 11:43 am and is filed under Dailies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.